Re-engineered my arse

At 6:25 tonight I could have told you that the 6:30 to Paddington wouldn't get very far. I'm no engineer, but even I can tell that diesel engines aren't supposed to sound like 300 tins of beans in an industrial washing machine.

And lo and behold, we make it to just outside Chippenham when the damn thing expires. The driver is "looking into it" - presumably "it" being a crater full of engine parts splashed liberally with diesel, but probably no oil as that was likely the problem in the first place. So the newly "re-engineered" power cars are really improving reliability, aren't they? Thought not.

How to piss off your customers, part 849

It's really easy to piss off your customers. Third Rate Western staff are forced to do it, you know. So that means that they get really good at it. Here's one method:

As the 7:46 to Bristol arrives at Bristol at 8:29 (7 minutes late even going by the grossly padded timetable to take into account the "following the stopping service debacle"), shut the doors of the little train to Cardiff and, as the passengers from the 7:46 approach you wanting to get on it, shrug and send the train on its way.

Of course, there's no point blaming the train manager, he's just following the Third Rate Western rules.

A(nother) new record

Hurrah, an all new level of utter patheticness!

Depart Chippenham, on time, at 7:46.
Stop at Bathampton Junction (as usual) at 7:55
Wait
Wait some more
Wait
Wait
Depart Bathampton Junction at 8:16
Arrive Bath at 8:20
Depart Bath at 8:22
Follow pissy little stopping service to Keynsham
Stop at Keynsham
Arrive Bristol at 8:39

8:39!

That's 53 minutes from Chippenham to Bristol. To add insult to injury, the "train manager" announces as we leave Bath (at 8:22) that we are due in to Bristol at, wait for it, 8:22.

How much longer do we have to put up with this nonsense?

Back from London, with a cat

Number 412 in the list of slightly weird stuff one sees on trains, it's a man with a cat. Not so weird, I hear you say, but this isn't a cat in a basket, oh no. It's a cat on a lead, sitting on his shoulder and mewling its way from Reading to Bristol.

Something else you might not have noticed about men with cats on their shoulder: they stink of cat piss. Which is nice.

To London, somewhat slowly

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to predict that the 7:20 from Chippenham to Paddington on a Monday morning is going to busy. It gets in at 8:40 if it's on time. Which it invariably isn't and today is no exception. This being a busy train, it is, of course, a perfect candidate for a "Regret no coach D" announcement but no worry, it's a lovely refurbished train with extra seats and bugger all legroom. This means we get as far as Didcot before it's standing room only time.

The folks joining our merry voyage at Didcot are no doubt willing to forgive the lack of seats because we're on time. Or, at least, we're on time when we arrive at Didcot and 12 minutes late when we leave. But it's not Third Rate Western's fault - we're just waiting for a signal. Presumably there's a stopping service ahead of us...

Pop quiz

If you have 3 ticket windows and 2 staff, and one of those ticket windows has a broken debit card machine, do you:

1. put the 2 staff at the 2 windows with working debit card machines
2. waste 5 minutes making a little sign saying "sorry, cash only at this window" and then sit there watching whilst 30 people get thoroughly fucked off queueing up at the other window with their debit cards

Of course, if you've read Third Rate Western's exciting handbook "how to be an utter moron and piss off dozens of customers" then the answer is 2.